Easy Like Sunday Morning: My Spirit Has Been In A Constant State of Distress

For several weeks I've experienced some distressful events that has affected my spirit:

- Fighting with fellow library media specialists in Washington D.C. to maintain library programming    and positions in all areas of the city (this fight is still ongoing)
- Seeing the impact of a pandemic and my friends lose their loved ones to Covid-19,
- The slow response of districts across the country reacting to children living in poverty and
  provide virtual learning opportunities. (side note: I'm not a fan of charter schools mainly because of their treatment of black students and lack of school library programming/certified librarians but Perry raises some good points in this clip)

Then the violent murders of:
 #JusticeforAhmaudArbery  
 #JusticeforBreonnaTaylor
 #JusticeForGeorgeFloyd 

The news junkie in me has been visually traumatized.  My spirit is broken and in a constant state of distress.  I am functioning but I'm not doing well.

I know deep down I need to pull it together.  In this moment, I'm thinking about the bravery of Claudette Colvin, Congressman John Lewis, Fannie Lou Hammer, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Dorothy Height, James Farmer, Jo Ann Robinson, Baynard Rustin, Rosa Parks, A. Phillip Randolph, Ella Baker, Malcolm X, Amelia Boynton Robinson, James Meredith, Daisy Bates and countless others who bravely demonstrated while fighting for equal rights in this country.  They pulled it together, never gave up...they give me the inspiration that I need.
(Note:  If you do not know the contributions of these people I named, I suggest you stop and read about them for yourself, I'm not providing links here.)

- However what keeps me up at night is my fear for my nephew, brother, uncles, male friends being unjustly targeted by the police.
- What keeps me up at night is the inequities of cities that have historically looked the other way
  when black men and women have been attacked by the police.
- What keeps me up at night is the efforts to defund the police is ignored by government leadership yet they want our vote every four years.

Working in education, I've seen year after year how the funding support is prioritized for the police department in the cities I've lived/worked in.   I've also seen how education budgets have been  dwindled down and directly affected the work that I'm expected to perform daily.  To be clear, I'm not against the police, I'm against the rogue police officers that plague our police departments across the country and illegally commit crimes against black people.

As I watch social media posts, there's been some genuine and some surface leveled expressions:
- I wonder how long will this last?
- Are the chants, marches, social media posts and declarations to 'stand' with African-American
  organizations truly sincere?
- Three months from now, will people go back to their previous behaviors of being concerned about
   self instead of 'standing' with African-Americans who have historically suffered in this country?

In terms of my job as a library media specialist, working in the K-12 schoolhouse:
- Will I ever be respected by educators as a African-American library media specialist who possesses skills beyond leading PD around race/equity, multicultural literature, management of student behavior?
- Will I ever be respected by educators as a African-American library media specialist who possesses skills of leadership, program administration, curriculum development and technology implementation?
- Will I ever be respected by educators as a African-American library media specialist that should be  given a seat at the table or do I have to buffalo my way in and bring the folding chair.  I shouldn't
   have to do this, I should automatically be invited.

At this point, I could care less if my colleagues respect me or not.  You will hear my voice more than ever before.  Racial microaggressions, implicit bias and lack of cultural competencies have run rampant in K-12 education way beyond Brown vs Board of Education and it's time for it to end.   In particular in the field of library information science (public, school, academic and special), it's totally out of control and on steroids.

I'm certain school districts across this country are amping up to provide some type of 'racial professional development,' this fall.  Books like 'The New Jim Crow, The Fire Next Time, White Fragility, Stamped, and Courageous Conversations About Race,' will probably be used.  My question

is:  Will educators really read, make an effort to understand and respond with sincere change?  Will that change positively change K-12 education in regards to education laws, policies, instruction, selection of curriculum and most importantly, treatment of African-American students?  Honestly, based on my previous experiences, unless school districts make these required readings mandatory not only in reading but also in action can change truly be achieved.   Our students social/emotional welfare, rights to an equal and a just American education system are of utmost importance now than ever before.

So to my new followers on social media, I celebrate the beauty, achievements and history of the African-American community 365 days of the year on my social media platforms.  My posts will confuse and anger you....either learn or get over yourself, I'm not changing anything for your comfort.  If you can't handle my views, don't follow me on social media.

Right now, my spirit is weary and hurt. Historically, I've always been the 'forever optimist,' hoping and sometimes praying that things will change for the better.  My mind is now run over with doubt and cynicism....this is a space I'm in that I don't like.   I'll get it together in time, listen to music, read and turn off the television.

I'll be back and will be better.  - K.C.

Additional Resources:
AASL Office Hours - May 14, 2020
Black Lives Matters Defund the Police Petition